No relationship is perfect
A young lady came to me with the concern that others thought her marriage was phony because she posted about her husband a lot. My first thought was “Tell them to go step on a thumb tack.” My second thought was “Block them and keep it moving.” My final thought was “Enlighten them.” Needless to say, I went with the final thought.
“NO RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT”
When I first got married I was such a hot head. I would tell my husband to go to hell with gasoline drawers on. I would constantly show him that I didn’t need him. I would leave when I wanted to. I talked to him as if he were a school aged boy. I would embarrass him in front of people. I had no respect for him at all. I made decisions without him. I did not care if he liked it or not. I did what I wanted to do.
One day I was sitting in church, I had a vision. In the vision I was walking behind my husband yelling at him. He had bags in his hands. He placed the bags in his car, a drop top silver convertible mustang (I loved that car) and he left. My immediate reaction to the dream was “The devil is a liar.” Months went on without me ever thinking about it again. We traveled down home to visit family. My husband and I got into an argument in front of my family. I was really doing all of the arguing. He was walking away. When we got home my husband told me that my family said “If I didn’t stop talking to him like that he was going to leave me.” I was livid. I thought, “How is my family going to talk against me?” I had the same vision again about a year later. I had the same reaction to the vision “The devil is a liar.” A series of incidents happened in my marriage. It got uglier and uglier. The arguments grew worse. It got so bad we didn’t even talk to each other when we came home. It was pure turmoil. Eventually, my husband deployed to a combat zone. One night during the middle of a phone argument he said, “I filed for a divorce. You should receive the paperwork in a few days.” I totally disregarded what he said. I thought he was just saying it in a fit of anger. I fired back with “It’s cool. I will sign them with no problem. I’m tired anyway.” A week passed by, I got off of work. I checked the mailbox. To my surprise, I saw a thick envelope addressed to me from a divorce attorney. My heart sunk. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was angry. I was hurt. I was embarrassed. I was SHOCKED! He called that night and we talked about it. We tried to work through things afterwards but to no avail. Here I was two years after my vision, DIVORCED! This was one if the loneliest, hardest, most painful roads I had to travel.
During this period of separation, God showed me, ME. He showed me my ugly self. Though the divorce was painful, I was engulfed with so much knowledge and wisdom. I was brought to this scripture: “A wise woman builds up her house and a foolish one tears it down.” As much as I hated to admit it, I was such a foolish woman. I allows my pride, my mouth and my ignorance to help destroy my marriage. From my foolishness I learned the value of being a wise woman and the destruction caused in being a foolish woman.
I wrote something called “A Wise Woman”
A wise woman builds up her house and a foolish one tears it down. A wise woman understands that she will eat the fruit of her lips. She understands that she can speak life or death into her marriage. A wise woman knows that she has the power to speak those things that be not as though they were. A wise woman knows that the same women listening to her problems will be the first to play the clean up woman. A wise woman doesn’t give place to the devil in her marriage so she continues to edify her husband even if he isn’t acting the part. She edifies because she knows that God doesn’t call the qualified but he qualifies the called. A wise woman also understands that submission is not slavery but its submitting to the mission in the man God has placed as head of her household. She understands that submission to him is a commandment from God and when she obeys God blessings, answered prayers and change follows.
Don’t be so quick to say that a woman is doing too much or a relationship is fake. You may be aware of problems they may have had. But understand that the woman is not faking it or trying to make her marriage appear perfect. She is refusing to be foolish. She is “A wise woman.”
On another note, I applied these principals to my life and God restored my marriage ONLY 5 months later! We remarried and renewed our vows!
FEEDBACK QUESTIONS:
What would you consider a foolish woman?
What do you think is the number one cause in divorce besides money and infidelity?
What other principles could be implemented to have a healthy, happy marriage?
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Shamieka Dean 